Quotes To Live By

Funny Quotes To Live By - Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. Richard Bach

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Garrison Keillor

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. Jeff Foxworthy

Funny quotes about life - Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. - William Somerset Maugham

Funny Quotes To Live By - "Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still." - Lou Erickso

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. David Letterman

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

"Smile well and often, it makes people wonder what you've been up to." -- Satchel Paige

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Dogs have owners; cats have staff.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Funny Quotes To Live By - You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.

"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?" -- Stephen Levine

The mistakes are all waiting to be made.

Funny Quotes To Live By - "Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely."


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